


it's not paradise but you're mine

by camellia117



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2020-08-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26047054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/camellia117/pseuds/camellia117
Summary: the truth is, it's not paradise. it will always be a struggle, a challenge to be better, stronger, to come out on top. it's a brutal competition, a fight to the death. they will pin mistakes against you, ward them like weapons, throw them in your face when all else finally seems okay. but the truth is also that you're stronger than you think, and people will be there to help you. that's who jaemin is for renjun, from this day, to the next, until the end of time.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	it's not paradise but you're mine

**Author's Note:**

> a song inspired this fic, it's called "paradise" by anderson rocio! give it a listen while you read :)
> 
> also a question, does canon compliant mean it fits into their real lives? if not, that's what i meant when i put it there, sorry. anyways enjoy :]

_"How could he say that?" Poor Hyuck"_

_"So insensitive."_

_"That's just disrespect, what the f*ck"_

_"Yikes"_

Renjun scrolls through the search page where he's entered his name, his heart in the pit of his stomach. Donghyuck knows he didn't mean it that way, and they both know that he was just teasing. The people behind these comments don't know him. They're strangers on the internet. And Donghyuck has forgiven him. So why does it still hurt?

Renjun flops down on his bed, letting his arm go limp and his phone tumble off the side of his bed. He wraps himself under the covers, trying to stay warm in contrast to the cold he'd felt through the screen. People are unforgiving, that's for sure. He hears a knock on the door but chooses not to answer. The door is opened regardless, in a quiet and gentle way that Renjun can only identify as one person. Jaemin. 

"Renjun? Are you in here?"

Jaemin walks over to Renjun's bed, picking up his phone from the ground and placing it on the nightstand. The younger boy sits on the edge of the bed, his face lined with concern. He receives no response. After half a second of contemplation, he makes the executive decision to crawl under the sheets with him. Jaemin gingerly reaches around Renjun's waist and curls up beside him. Renjun doesn't resist.

The silence is comfortable, but speckled with doubt. Doubt that Donghyuck has really accepted his apology. Doubt that Renjun is okay, even if he tells everyone he is. Doubt that Jaemin can console him this time around. But it isn't spoken, only understood. 

"He knows you didn't mean it. You never do."

Renjun inhales sharply.

"But the look on his face... I hurt him."

"And you apologized afterwards and he forgave you. Everyone knows that."

"I never should have teased him. And not everyone knows. The fans don't know, and they're the ones saying the most about it."

"It was just teasing and he knows that. But those people don't know you like we do. Like I do."

Renjun flips around to face Jaemin, still sluggish from the feeling bringing him down all day. Their faces are close together, but it doesn't bother them. It never has. Jaemin has always been the person who comforted him, the person who checked in on him when others haven't. And Renjun loves him for it, but he doesn't have to say it. They both know.

The older boy scoots closer, burying his face in Jaemin's chest. He slides a hand around to rest on Jaemin's back, feeling the soft sweatshirt between his fingers. Renjun breathes heavy, trying to let out his worries into the air. The younger boy can hear his pain and struggle, and begins to rub little shapes into Renjun's back. Jaemin presses a tiny kiss to the top of Renjun's head. He knows that the older boy isn't as affectionate as him, but he can fall under the pressure. And Jaemin is there to catch him. 

Renjun has always been watched under heavy eyes, by vultures ready to tear him apart. Everyone has, and Jaemin knows he's no exception. And the comments hurt him too, made by the unknowing and the ignorant. But Renjun caves sometimes, his shield wears out and cracks. Idols get used to the feeling, the hate, the noise. It's an unspoken strength. But that doesn't mean they're immune, that they aren't hurt by what people say. At the end of the day, they're still human. And people choose to ignore that. Today, Renjun is the one they choose to ignore the humanity of. Jaemin knows the pain, the weight dragging Renjun down, which is why all he wants to do is hold him tight. So he does.

The younger boy presses another small kiss to the top of Renjun's head, nuzzling into his hair slightly, eliciting a small giggle from both of them.

"Thanks for coming in to check on me."  
  
  


"No need to thank me, I'll always be here."

Renjun grunts in joking annoyance and nuzzles his head further into Jaemin's chest.

"You're too cheesy for your own good, you know that?"

Jaemin laughs and smiles fondly.

"Someone's got to be, right?"

Renjun pulls away from the little cocoon and meets Jaemin's eyes. He stares at the boy in front of him, wondering how he could be blessed with such a perfect best friend. But this time, the look in his eyes is different. Jaemin's gaze is still full of love, but laced with something else. The younger always prided himself on having an unreadable facade (when he wasn't donning the happiest smile in the world).

"Something wrong Jaem?"

The younger boy blinked.

"No, I just... needed to be here with you is all."

The elder can feel his eyelids drooping, but fights the fatigue to stay awake. He slides his hand up from Jaemin's back to his fluffy pink hair. The younger hums happily as Renjun ruffles his hair around. Jaemin lets his eyes rest for a moment, and that's when Renjun notices. The bags under his eyes. Everyone in their group has them, but Jaemin's dark circles are worse. They're deep, puffy, a rich purple. That's when he knows.

It's not easy to be happy and upbeat all the time. But that's Jaemin's role, and it has been for a _long_ time. It may be part of his personality, but it's also his assigned persona. And Renjun knows that keeping that kind of facade is demanding. It's _grueling_ , and everyone in their group knows that. Jaemin gets tired too, has bad days, needs a break from reality every now and then. He has his off-days, just like everyone else, but he can never show it on camera. He's always been the caring one; goofy; loving. But Renjun figures this time around, Jaemin needs love too.

Renjun wiggles upwards and leaves a small peck on Jaemin's forehead, his ears already growing hot. The younger boy opens his mouth, surprised, but no words leave his tongue. Instead, his lips curl upward in a tiny smile. Jaemin leans forward in an attempt to peck the tip of Renjun's nose, but the older boy cranes away as he usually does.

"Just come here would you? Renjunnie~"

"Oh god nooo stop that!"

Renjun continues trying to avoid Jaemin's devilish kisses - that end up plastered all over his face - but is ultimately stuck under his love-struck wrath. The younger boy almost lands one on his nose, but Renjun swerves last minute, and just for a second, their lips touch.

Jaemin pulls away, his eyes widened at what he's accidentally done.

"Sorry Renjunnie I just... I didn't mean to..."

Renjun returns the equally shocked gaze, until his face softens and he responds.

"It's okay Jaem."

But something pulls them closer. Maybe it's a longing to know if it's really an accident. Or a longing to know why the look in Renjun's eyes feels so _real._ Despite the unknown reasons, the two of them lean closer until their eyes can flutter shut, their heads tilted in opposition, until their lips meet and everything falls into place.

The kiss is sweet and slow, shy almost until Jaemin pulls their bodies closer and Renjun can feel the other's heartbeat under his hand. The two of them have always been intimate, shared intimate moments, but not like this. All of their thoughts begin to wash away, swept away by the tide that was the other's lips. Renjun pulls away for a moment, letting Jaemin also take a moment to breathe. But the moment they separate, the pair is met with the same shock they'd felt a moment before. None of the words coming to mind feel right, so Jaemin just blurts out what he's thinking.

"So. Um. That happened."

Renjun giggles at the younger's loss of words, and tucks his head under Jaemin's chin. The older boy is entirely flustered, his ears displaying a bright red color as if his face wasn't red enough. Jaemin can feel his own face grow with warmth, unsure of how to handle the feeling. But the two of them don't need an answer just yet. They just need to be in each other's arms, feel safe, get some rest. They just need a break from thinking too hard, asking too many questions, confusing themselves. All Jaemin and Renjun need is each other, and that's the part of life they can call perfect. They can call each other home, and that, in itself, is paradise.


End file.
